Free toolShould I stay quiz
Should I Stay in This Relationship? A Quiz
Weigh effort, respect, safety and the future you each want.
The Love Answers should I stay quiz asks 16 questions about safety, respect, effort and the future you each want, then sorts your answers into one of three results: most of what makes a relationship workable is missing, the picture is mixed with real work ahead, or there is a lot here worth saving. It is for anyone asking ‘should I stay in this relationship’ after the same fight one more time.
The first question asks whether you feel physically and emotionally safe with your partner. Any answer other than ‘Agree’ skips the score and shows a safety result, because fear should never be weighed against good days. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788) for a confidential talk about your options.
How the Should I Stay Quiz Is Scored
Each statement is something a healthy relationship tends to have, so agreeing scores higher. “Agree” scores 2, “Not sure” scores 1 and “Disagree” scores 0. With 16 questions the result card shows a score out of 32, and you need at least 13 answers to see it.
| Score | Result you see | What it suggests |
|---|---|---|
| 0 to 12 | Most of what makes a relationship workable is missing | Respect, safety or shared goals are not there right now |
| 13 to 21 | Mixed, with real work ahead | Some foundations are in place and some are shaky |
| 22 to 32 | There is a lot here worth saving | Respect, goodwill and shared goals, with fixable problems |
The safety question works as a gate. “Not sure” or “Disagree” on it brings up the safety result, and “Agree” adds no points. That means any banded score comes from the other 15 statements, with a ceiling of 30.
“Not sure” has a quiet effect on the total. Fifteen answers of “Not sure” add up to 15, which sits in the middle band. If that is how you answered, the middle result mostly reflects uncertainty, so read it as a sign you need more information before deciding.
What the Should I Stay Quiz Weighs
The 15 scored statements fall into five groups:
- Goodwill: good days that feel like “us”, attraction, laughing together, and feeling more sadness than relief when you imagine leaving.
- Repair: your partner listens instead of attacking, you both admit your part, and your partner has made a real change before.
- Respect and trust: mutual respect, and trust that is intact or could be rebuilt.
- Shared future: the same broad goals on kids, home and money, and a five-year picture that feels OK.
- Why you stay: whether a friend would call it worth saving, whether the problems are about stress and skills instead of who you are, whether your partner would try counseling, and whether you stay by choice instead of fear, money, guilt or the kids.
Question 13 deserves a second look. The Gottmans report that about 69% of relationship conflicts are “perpetual problems” rooted in lasting differences in personality or lifestyle, which couples manage through dialogue instead of solving. A perpetual problem you can talk about calmly is different from a dealbreaker, such as one of you wanting children and the other not.
What Your Result Means and Does Not Mean
A score does not make the decision. One answer can outweigh the total: a firm “Disagree” on wanting the same things about children can matter more than a dozen good days. Read your answers for any single statement that feels non-negotiable.
The result also reflects one person’s view on one day. Ask your partner to take the quiz on their own, then compare answers question by question. If both of you score in the middle band, retake it after three months of agreed changes and see which way it moves.
A low score does not mean you have to leave tonight. It means the things couples usually rebuild from are not visible to you right now. A therapist of your own can help you plan either path without pressure from your partner.
What to Do After the Quiz
Each result points to a different first step.
- Safety result: talk to a trained advocate about your options and a safety plan. Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788, and call 911 in an emergency. Couples counseling is usually not recommended while abuse is happening.
- Most of the base is missing: read how to save a relationship, and when not to, and book time with a therapist of your own. If control or contempt came up, take the toxic relationship quiz as well.
- Mixed, with work ahead: agree on two or three specific changes and a date to review them. A 2020 meta-analysis of couple therapy by Roddy and colleagues found large improvements in satisfaction for couples in therapy, while couples left on a waitlist showed no reliable improvement. Online couples therapy compares the options and costs.
- A lot worth saving: start with how you talk about the problems. How to communicate in a relationship covers raising a complaint without blame, which the Gottman Institute calls a gentle start-up.
If trust is the main thing that broke, how to rebuild trust has a step-by-step plan, and the cheating and trust section covers recovery after an affair. Pick the step that matches your result and put a date on it this week.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I should stay in a relationship?
Stay-or-go decisions usually turn on safety, respect, whether both people will work on it, and whether you want the same future. The should I stay quiz asks about each of those. A score of 22 or more out of 32 suggests a strong base to repair from, and 12 or less suggests most of that base is missing right now.
Can a quiz tell me whether to break up?
No. The should I stay quiz shows which foundations are present and which are shaky, but it cannot see your children, money, faith, health or history. Use the result to decide what to talk about next, with your partner or with a therapist of your own.
What if my partner would answer differently?
They probably would on some questions, and that gap is useful. Ask your partner to take the quiz separately, then compare answers question by question. The statements where you disagree most are the ones to raise first.
Why does 'Not sure' count as one point?
‘Not sure’ sits halfway between ‘Disagree’ (0) and ‘Agree’ (2), so it scores 1. If you answer ‘Not sure’ to most statements, you land in the middle band almost automatically. In that case, the uncertainty is your real result, and it is worth working out what you are unsure about.
Should we try couples therapy before breaking up?
If you both feel safe and both are willing, couples therapy is worth trying before you decide. A 2020 meta-analysis by Roddy and colleagues found large improvements in relationship satisfaction for couples in therapy. Couples counseling is usually not recommended when there is abuse, and an advocate is the better first call.
Sources
Love Answers publishes general information about relationships. It is not therapy, medical, legal or psychological advice and does not replace a licensed professional who knows your situation. Some links may be affiliate links; that never changes what we recommend.
If you feel unsafe with a partner, call 911 in an emergency, or reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788). For thoughts of suicide or a mental health crisis, call or text 988.