Yes, long-distance relationships can work, and several studies find couples who live apart report as much closeness and commitment as couples who live near each other. At Love Answers, we read the studies behind the advice and say how strong the evidence is, and for long distance it is encouraging but small.
The research points to a different risk than most people expect. Distance itself does not seem to sink couples. The hard part, in the few studies that track it, is the move back together, when idealized pictures meet ordinary weekdays.
Below are the main studies, what each one found, where each falls short, and the signs that your own relationship is on solid ground.
Do Long-Distance Relationships Work? What Four Studies Found
Studies of dating couples find long-distance relationships work about as well as close ones while the couple is apart. Four studies come up again and again, and they agree more than they disagree.
| Study | Who was studied | What it found | Main limit |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jiang and Hancock (2013), Journal of Communication | Dating couples, apart and close, keeping daily diaries | Couples apart talked less often each day but reported more intimacy | Small sample, about 63 couples according to press coverage |
| Kelmer, Rhoades, Stanley and Markman (2013), Family Process | Couples in long-distance and close relationships | Partners apart reported equal or higher quality and dedication, and felt less trapped | Known to us through a secondary summary |
| Stafford and Merolla (2007), Journal of Social and Personal Relationships | Long-distance and close dating couples | Couples apart idealized each other more, and the most idealized were least stable once reunited | Reported through secondary coverage |
| Stafford, Merolla and Castle (2006), Journal of Social and Personal Relationships | College students who had been long distance | About a third of couples who moved together broke up within three months | College students only |
Read the four together and a pattern appears. Couples apart tend to feel close and committed. The strain shows up when distance ends and daily life starts.
Why Distance Can Make Couples Feel Closer
Distance can raise closeness because partners apart tend to share more about themselves when they do talk. In the diary study by Jiang and Hancock, published by the Stanford Social Media Lab, long-distance couples had fewer interactions per day. They also disclosed more about their feelings and saw their partner’s behavior in a more idealized light.
Both effects make sense once you picture a typical week. A couple sharing an apartment can spend an evening in the same room barely talking. A couple on a nightly call usually talks about something, and each partner fills the gaps between calls with a generous guess.
Kelmer and colleagues found a related result, summarized in Psychology Today. Long-distance partners reported equal or higher dedication and felt less “trapped” than partners living close. Our reading is that people who choose distance have already tested their commitment once.
The Riskiest Stretch Comes After You Reunite
The highest-risk period for a long-distance relationship is the first few months after the couple moves to the same place. In the study of college students by Stafford, Merolla and Castle (2006), reported by FiveThirtyEight, about a third of couples who reunited broke up within three months.
The reasons couples gave fall into three groups:
- Lost independence. Partners missed the time and freedom they had while apart.
- More conflict and jealousy. Daily contact brought arguments that weekly calls had never raised.
- New information. Partners learned things about each other they had not seen from a distance.
A 2007 study by Stafford and Merolla, covered by Pacific Standard, suggests idealization is part of the story. The couples who idealized each other most, and those with longer gaps between visits, were the least stable after reuniting. The practical takeaway is to see each other on ordinary days before the move, and to talk about chores, money and alone time before you sign a lease.
Why You Will Not Find a Reliable Failure Rate
No published study gives a trustworthy failure rate for long-distance relationships in general. Popular articles often quote a large failure percentage or a count of long-distance couples in the US. We could not trace any of those figures to a published study or report.
The real studies are smaller and narrower than the headlines suggest:
- Several of them studied college students or young dating couples.
- The diary study by Jiang and Hancock followed about 63 couples, according to press coverage.
- The reunion study tracked what happened in the first three months after moving together.
That does not make the research useless. It means the findings describe patterns, such as the reunion risk, and they cannot tell you the odds for your relationship. When a site gives you a precise percentage, ask where it came from.
What Predicts Whether Yours Will Work
The research and couples’ own accounts point to a handful of signs that a long-distance relationship is on solid ground. Use this as a checklist with your partner.
- You both know when, or at least roughly when, the distance ends.
- The next visit is booked or has a target month.
- Contact feels like something you both look forward to, most weeks.
- You share ordinary details as well as highlights.
- You can disagree on a call without one of you going silent for days.
- You have talked about where you will live and who moves.
- Each of you has friends and routines in your own city.
Two or three unchecked boxes are normal and fixable. Our guide on how to make a long-distance relationship work gives the habit and script for each one.
If worry about your partner’s feelings takes up most of your day, it may help to read about anxious attachment. Distance tends to amplify the urge for constant reassurance, and naming that urge makes it easier to handle.
When Long Distance Is the Wrong Call
Long distance is a poor fit when neither partner can say when or how it ends. Studies show couples apart can stay close, but none of them show open-ended distance working for years with no plan.
It is also the wrong call in a few specific cases:
- One partner is pressuring the other to move, or to stay put, against their wishes.
- Contact rules feel like monitoring, such as demands for constant location sharing or proof of where you are. That is controlling behavior, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788) can help you think it through.
- You are staying mainly because ending it feels like failing the distance.
Our verdict would change if a large study following long-distance couples for years found worse outcomes than for close couples. We have not seen one. Military couples face a different mix of risks, and our deployment relationship guide covers them. If you are on the fence, take the should I stay quiz. Then talk with your partner this week about the end date and the next visit, the two plans that most help a long distance relationship work.