Good questions to ask your girlfriend are specific, open-ended and followed by a second question that shows you heard the first answer. At Love Answers, we read the studies on how couples build closeness through talk and wrote 108 original questions.
Each group below has 18 questions: fun, getting to know you, deep, flirty, future and your relationship. None of them repeat our questions to ask your boyfriend list, so couples can trade lists and ask each other.
If you want one question at a time, the couples question generator picks one by mood and depth.
Which Questions Fit Your Stage
The best questions to ask your girlfriend change with how long you have been together. Early on, you are learning her story. Later, you are checking how her story has changed.
| How long together | Start with | Hold for later |
|---|---|---|
| First month | Fun, getting to know you | Money, kids, past relationships |
| 3 to 12 months | Getting to know you, flirty, light future | Where to live, finances |
| 1 to 3 years | Deep, future, relationship | Nothing, but ask big topics one at a time |
| 3 years and up | Relationship, deep, “what changed” versions of old questions | Nothing |
For couples who have been together for years, reuse a getting-to-know-you question with “now” added. “What does a perfect Saturday look like for you now?” often gets a different answer than it did in year one, and the difference tells you something.
Jump to: fun · getting to know you · deep · flirty · future · relationship · follow-ups
Fun Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
Fun questions to ask your girlfriend get a laugh and a story, and they work anywhere: a line at a coffee shop, a long drive or a text on a slow afternoon.
- What song do you secretly know every word to?
- If you could live inside any TV show, which one would you pick?
- What is the most chaotic thing you did as a teenager?
- What would you name a boat?
- Which celebrity would you want as a roommate?
- What is your most-used emoji, and what does it mean when you send it?
- If your life were a theme park ride, what would it be like?
- What snack could you eat every day for a month?
- What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you at work?
- Which decade would you visit for one week?
- If you could master one instrument overnight, which would it be?
- What would your autobiography be called?
- What trend did you love that you would never admit to now?
- What is your weirdest pet peeve?
- If you were a ghost, who would you haunt?
- What is the best costume you have ever worn?
- Which friend would you trust to plan your birthday?
- What smell do you love that other people find strange?
Getting to Know You Questions for Your Girlfriend
Getting-to-know-you questions for your girlfriend cover her family, her childhood and her daily habits. Ask one, then let her story run before the next.
- What was your favorite subject in school, and why?
- What was your bedroom like when you were 13?
- Who taught you the most about being an adult?
- What family recipe could you make without looking?
- What is your earliest memory?
- What was a typical Sunday in your house growing up?
- What book changed how you think?
- What did you collect as a kid?
- What is your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
- Who is the funniest person in your family?
- Where do you go when you need to think?
- What are you better at than most people?
- What does your morning look like on a good day?
- Which friend have you known the longest?
- What hobby did you give up that you miss?
- What is the best advice anyone has given you?
- What would your friends say is your best quality?
- What small thing can ruin your whole day?
Deep Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
Deep questions to ask your girlfriend reach her past, her fears and what she wants from life. Ask them in private, with no time pressure, and answer each one yourself.
- What moment are you proudest of?
- What do you wish your mom understood about you?
- When have you felt most alone?
- What part of yourself do you hide at work?
- What regret shaped who you are today?
- What do you deserve but find hard to accept?
- What does feeling safe with someone look like to you?
- Who hurt you in a way you think about?
- What did you use to believe about love that you do not believe anymore?
- What are you most afraid of losing?
- What do you wish more people asked you about?
- When did you last feel completely at peace?
- What would you tell your 16-year-old self?
- What does your inner critic say most often?
- What part of your past do you want me to understand better?
- How has your family shaped the way you love?
- What dream did you let go of, and do you miss it?
- What does a good life mean to you?
Question 44 can open an old wound. If she starts talking about a past partner who controlled or hurt her, listen and do not push for details. love is respect (1-866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522) talks with anyone affected by dating abuse, including partners who want to support someone.
Flirty Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend
Flirty questions to ask your girlfriend are about attraction and shared memories, and all of them stay non-explicit, so they work at dinner or over text.
- When did you first have a crush on me?
- What is your favorite thing about my face?
- Which date of ours would you replay if you could?
- What do I do that makes you blush?
- What is the best compliment I have given you?
- Where is your favorite place to be held?
- What do you think about when you miss me?
- Which scent of mine do you like?
- Which photo of us is your favorite?
- What is the cutest thing I have said when I was half asleep?
- If we had one hour with no plans tonight, what would you want to do?
- What would you want our song to be?
- What did you tell your friends about me after our first date?
- What do I wear that you wish I wore more?
- What is the most romantic thing anyone has done for you?
- What made you say yes to our first date?
- What date have you always wanted but never asked for?
- How do you like to be kissed goodnight?
Future Questions for Your Girlfriend
Future questions for your girlfriend show whether your plans line up on cities, careers, money and family. Ask them one or two at a time, and treat a different answer as information instead of a problem.
- What city would you move to tomorrow if you could?
- What does success look like for you in ten years?
- How do you picture family life, with or without kids?
- What kind of wedding, if any, would you want?
- How do you want our home to feel when people walk in?
- What do you want to learn together?
- How should we celebrate birthdays as a couple?
- Would you rather rent in a city or own in the suburbs?
- How do you feel about combining finances someday?
- What would you do if you never had to work again?
- Which of your parents’ habits do you want in our home someday?
- What do you want your next decade to look like?
- How would you want to split holidays between our families?
- What would you change about your career in the next two years?
- What adventure do you want to have in the next few years?
- Where do you want to grow old?
- How do you picture us at 70?
- What goal can I help you reach?
Relationship Questions for Your Girlfriend
Relationship questions for your girlfriend tell you how she feels about the two of you right now, so you can fix small things while they are small.
- What do I do that makes your day easier?
- When do you feel like I am not paying attention?
- How do you want me to react when you are stressed?
- What would make our weeknights better?
- Which of our routines do you like most?
- Which fight of ours taught you something?
- Looking back, why did your past relationships end?
- How do you prefer to get an apology?
- What does trust look like day to day for you?
- How do you feel about how often we see each other’s friends?
- Does anything about how we split chores or plans feel unfair?
- What makes you feel respected?
- How much texting during the day feels right to you?
- What small gesture means a lot to you?
- What should I do if I notice you pulling away?
- When have you felt most supported by me?
- What do you want us to stop doing?
- What question do you wish I asked you more often?
If her answer to question 99 points at something that broke trust between you, the how to rebuild trust guide walks through the next conversation.
Follow-Ups That Show You Listened
A follow-up shows your girlfriend you heard her answer, and it usually gets you more than the first question did.
Use these follow-ups in rotation:
- “What was that like for you?” Turns a fact into a feeling.
- “What happened next?” Keeps a story going.
- “Has that changed since then?” Works on any memory question.
- “What did you need back then?” Use it gently after a hard story.
- “Can I tell you mine?” Trades an answer so it does not feel like an interview.
Resist the urge to fix things. If she tells you about a bad day in question 36, a plan to solve it is a different conversation. Ask “Do you want ideas or do you want me to listen?” and do what she says.
Order matters too. In a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues, summarized by Greater Good in Action at UC Berkeley, pairs of strangers took turns with questions that grew more personal over about 45 minutes. They reported more closeness than pairs who made small talk. The study measured closeness rather than love, so treat it as a guide to order: light first, deep later.
When a Question Turns Into a Disagreement
A question can surface a real difference, like kids or where to live. Do not settle it in the same sitting. Say what you heard, say you want to think about it, and pick a time to talk again.
When you bring it back, start soft. The Gottman Institute calls this a softened start-up: describe how you feel about the specific situation and say what you need, without blame. “I got nervous when you said you might move for work. Can we talk through what that would look like?” works better than “You never think about us.”
Who These Questions Are Not For
These questions are not meant for a girlfriend who is in the middle of a crisis, grief or a mental health emergency. She needs support and practical help first, and a list can wait. If she talks about wanting to die, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline with her. If she is in immediate danger, call 911.
Our advice would change for couples who use questions mostly to argue. If question nights keep turning into fights, try a structured weekly relationship check-in instead. Its script has rules that keep the talk calm.
Pick three questions to ask your girlfriend from three different groups, write one follow-up for each, and ask the first one on your next walk together.