To spice up a relationship, do new things together, flirt on purpose instead of waiting for the mood, and talk openly about what each of you wants in bed and out of it. At Love Answers, we write for couples who want to feel close again, and most ideas below cost little or nothing.
A dull stretch is normal once routines settle in. Jobs, kids and screens fill the evenings, and the two of you start acting more like roommates than partners.
How to Spice Up a Relationship This Week
You can spice up a relationship this week with five changes that take little time and almost no money. Pick two and do them before Sunday.
| Change | What it looks like | Time it takes |
|---|---|---|
| Try something new together | A class, a hike you have never done, a recipe from a cuisine you do not know | One evening |
| Flirt on purpose | A suggestive text at lunch, a long kiss at the door, a compliment about how they look | Seconds |
| Ask a deeper question | “What is something you want to do before you turn 50?” | 20 minutes |
| Change the setting | A night in a hotel, a picnic on the living room floor, dinner by candlelight | One evening |
| Talk about intimacy | “What do you miss from when we first met?” | 15 minutes, outside the bedroom |
Do Something New Together
New experiences shared as a couple tend to bring back some of the energy of early dating. The early months felt exciting partly because everything was new. You can recreate a smaller version of that by choosing activities neither of you has done.
Ideas that work for most budgets:
- Take a one-time class together: pottery, salsa, rock climbing or a cooking lesson.
- Drive somewhere within two hours you have never visited.
- Learn a short skill together from videos, such as a card trick or a song on the guitar.
- Play a game that makes you both a little competitive. Our couples games list options for home.
Rotate who plans. When one partner plans every outing, the other stops feeling chosen. Our date night ideas and the date night picker filter options by budget and energy level.
Flirt During Ordinary Days
Flirting works best when it is spread through the week instead of saved for date night. A wink across the kitchen, a hand on the small of the back, or a text that says “Can’t stop thinking about this morning” keeps attraction alive between bigger moments.
Pay attention to your partner’s small bids for connection, too. The Gottman Institute found that newlywed couples who stayed together turned toward each other’s bids about 86% of the time, compared with about 33% for couples who later divorced. Responding warmly to a passing comment counts as flirting too.
Compliments work best when they are specific. “You look great” is nice. “That green sweater makes your eyes look unreal” is the one your partner remembers.
Ask Deeper Questions
Asking questions you have never asked each other can make a familiar partner feel new. The “36 questions” from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues increased feelings of closeness between strangers who took turns answering them for about 45 minutes. Greater Good in Action publishes the full list. The study measured closeness, so do not expect it to create love on its own.
For couples who have been together for years, questions about the future and the past work well:
- “What did you think of me the first time we met?”
- “What is something you have always wanted to try but never told me?”
- “Where do you see us in ten years, if everything goes right?”
Our deep questions to ask your partner and the couples question generator give you more.
Talk About Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
The most useful conversation about your sex life happens with your clothes on, at a calm moment. Bringing up wishes in the middle of intimacy can feel like criticism. Bringing them up over coffee feels like planning together.
Use a simple structure. Each of you names one thing you enjoy, one thing you would like more of, and one thing you are curious about trying. Agree that either of you can say no to any idea without the other taking it personally.
Small changes often matter more than dramatic ones. Try a different time of day, more time on touch that is not aimed at sex, or a weekend away from home and children. If desire has been mismatched for months and talking does not help, a certified sex therapist can help. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists lists certified therapists in its directory.
Make Room for Romance with Kids at Home
Parents of young children have the least spare time, so romance has to fit into short, planned windows. Waiting for a free weekend means waiting for months.
Ideas that fit around a family schedule:
- Trade babysitting with another couple once a month, so each pair gets a free evening without paying a sitter.
- Hold a “late date” at home after bedtime: takeout, no screens, and a rule against talking about the kids for the first 30 minutes.
- Take a 10-minute walk together after dinner while an older child watches a younger one, or push the stroller together.
- Book one night away a year, even if it is a hotel 20 minutes from home.
Exhaustion leaves little room for desire, so split the evening routine fairly first. A partner who is not exhausted at 9 p.m. has energy left for flirting. Our better husband guide covers sharing household and parenting work.
Things That Make a Relationship Feel Flat
Some habits drain energy from a relationship without either partner noticing. Look for these and change one:
- Phones at dinner and in bed every night.
- Talking only about logistics: kids, bills, who is picking up groceries.
- Criticism that outweighs appreciation. In Gottman’s research, stable couples kept about five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict, and the ratio outside conflict was much higher.
- Never being alone together without children, roommates or screens.
Love language quizzes are a popular fix, but a 2024 review by Impett, Park and Muise found little evidence that matching languages improves relationships. The authors recommend a varied mix of loving behaviors, which fits everything above.
When the Problem Runs Deeper
Novelty helps a couple who still like each other but have fallen into a rut. It does not fix resentment, a breach of trust, or a partner who has checked out. If every attempt at romance turns into an argument, start with the underlying issue. Our communication guide and rebuilding trust guide are the places to begin.
Pick two changes from the table at the top and put them in your shared calendar for the next seven days.